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Alaska
{| align="right" border="1" cellpadding="2" width="300" style="margin-left:0.5em;" |- !align="center" colspan=2 |The "Rockin" State of ALASKA |- !width=125|Capitol: ||The Valley |- !State Flower: || Bud |- !Official Language: || American |- !State Bird: ||Bald Eagle |- !State Motto: || "America - South of the Border" |- !Nickname: || "The MTF state" |- !Governor: || The Sexy Librarian(Sara Palin)(Deputy Governor Willie Nelson) |- !State Anthem: || "Oh Canada (you suck)" |- !Population: || Bears, bear lovers, republicans and Indiemos |- !Standard MPH: || 40 mph, hey its at least faster than those damn bears. |- !Principal imports: || Hippies |- !Principal exports: || Oil, bagged ice, sweet sticky pot |- !Principal industries: || Digging up oil |- !Fun Fact # 1: || Alaska is the home of the evil Bear lord Atilla the Hungryforchildren. |- !Fun Fact # 2: || Alaska could be its own nation but George Bush cant stand the financial hurt. |- !Fun Fact # 3: || The reason why Alaska doesn't have many people despite its size is because its cold. One group was stranded in northern Alaska, and an airplane from Anchorage came. They planned to take this group to Anchorage, but the group said "Take me down to Texas." |- Discovery Lewis and Clark discovered this land in 1807 after discovering the mysterious Pacific Ocean. Due to how amazingly cold it was, they didn't bother to tell the president. Usually omitted from official American maps as a result. History Amazingly, Alaska was around just before Americans found it. Many of the native tribes there, like the Inuits, Aliaskans and other names only godless men can pronounce, are bear lovers. One tribe though stood up against this tyranny, the Tlingits (Clean-gits), meaning in Polarbearanese, the Bear Killers. Seemingly endless war waged for many ages, between the Tlingits and the bear lovers. In 1896 some gold rush happened and a bunch of good Americans got rich and decided to stay in the extremely cold land. Unfortunately, the Commies decided they wanted the wild land as well, but Seward's fleet of steamboats chased them away before they could build communities. This is also unfortunate because it meant the enterprising Americans had to build all their own houses, schools and churches; instead of taking over the ones the Russians would have abandoned, had they been allowed to build. But they weren't. So Americans did everything themselves. President Thomas Jefferson purchased $24 worth of beads and bolts of brightly-colored cloth. The transaction was popularly referred to as "Seward's Folly", after the inventor of the steamboat. Following the sale, Alaska was reduced in size by approximately 70% and moved to its present location in the sea west of Mexico, near Hawaii. Achieving Statehood In 1955 America felt that the bear threat was minimal so it was declared to those brave fighters that they can become Americans. Alaska Today In 1989 Osama Bin-Laden sent 90 percent of the worlds bear population to Alaska to help out the bear lord Attila the Hungryforchilderen. The battle raged on and it still goes on today, but there is hope for the Tlingit and gold rushies. Stephen Colbert in 2004 sent an army of Eagles to compromise the impending bear threat. Today the Eagles and the Tlingit fight the Bears so the good American of the real 48 states won't have to. When not fighting bears, the Tlingit men make love to the beautiful women of Alaska. You may say that Alaskan women look fat, but that is not the case. Due to all of the fattening foods in Alaska like candy and stuff (because you cant grow anything in that cold environment), Alaskan women where extremely thick clothing so they can sweat the pounds away daily in order to keep beautiful for the Alaskan male. The republicans that moved up there made an amazing discovery. That the Middle East is not the only place that has oil. On a continuous basis, oil is pumped from Alaska to the lower 48 so we Americans don't have to pay transportation fees, and it keeps our gas prices low. Another export Alaska has is ice. During the summer Alaskans transport the ice down south in order to keep us real Americans cool. Now most people think that ice is made from some electrical/magical contraption, and that is just blasphemy. God put ice in Alaska where it is easy to transport it to America. Also Canada is Alaska's bitch. Alaska Landmarks * The Mat-Su valley, or just The Valley, is the center of America's largest marijuana-growing and meth-producing operations. The fact that Sarah Palin lives there is purely coincidental. * The Ted Stevens Bridge to Nowhere (which is actually a small village in Alaska) * Mount McKinley is the largest mountain in the world. Unfortunately it is under bear control. * The Ted Stevens International Airport * Kodiak Island, America's Largest Island (Hawaii doesn't count since it isn't part of America) Famous non-Eskimo Alaskans * Ted Stevens * Mike "Buzz" Gravel * Sarah Palin * Scott Gomez * Jesus A Typical Day in Alaska Fighting bears, making love to beautiful women, and "not" smoking lots of reefer. Pitching tents during the summer when the igloos melt and building two story apartment igloos in the winter when the ice returns. Perhaps eating a sled dog when one dies from lack of heat. Many Alaskans are actually bears in disguise waiting for the Taliban to tell them when to strike America. The brave republicans there continue to hold off the bears from invading America. One would think that to due to the fact that Alaska lay to the south of California , it would be expect that the climate would be like that of California. Strangely that is not the case, the fact is that Alaska is very cold and frigid, it is not a very good place for people to live , it is however a good place to keep your beer cold. What Can Be Seen From Alaska * Russia * Canada * Putin rearing his head in the airspace Things named after Alaska * a dessert: baked Alaska * a meteorological phenomenon: Alaskan dick punch Where Alaska Compares To Other States * #1 in high school drop out rate! * #1 in rapes * #1 in teen pregnancies * #1 in meth production External Tubes *Charitable Organizations in *Sarah Palin to arrest Hippie Scientists *Sarah Palin will always be with Alaska